A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
