; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
