Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
