I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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