If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
