Soap is not a condiment
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
