Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
