Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
