1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
