I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
