I have demons in me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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