The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
