Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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