You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Pants are for mortals
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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