shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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