just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
