Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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