hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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