DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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