Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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