please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My penis needs a shock collar
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
