Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
