Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
