I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
