I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
