dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
