The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
