Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
