Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's always time for handjobs
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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