I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
