He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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