very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
