$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
