Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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