I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
