The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
