I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
