just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
