Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
