when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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