You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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