i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
