Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
