I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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