Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
