the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
