Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
