I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
