My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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