i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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