Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
